Breaking Dawn

So, there is absolutely no way that I can review this in an objective manner. I started reading the Twilight books before the first movie came out, and I was highly disgusted. Edward is a controlling, overbearing creep. It scares me that women and girls all over are so taken by Edward that they want a man just like him. Really? You think it’s ok for your man to meddle in your relationships with other men out of jealousy? You think it’s ok for him to tell you what to do and how to do it and who to hang out with and who to talk to and not talk to? You think its ok for him to spy on you all the time? Ick. Edward is emotionally abusive and emotional abuse is abuse even if it is not accompanied by physical abuse. I am going to spoil the movie for those who have not seen it, so if you don’t want to know this stuff before seeing the movie, then you’ve been warned.




Here is the entire movie. Bella and Edward are getting married. Bella is the most sullen, unhappy bride I’ve ever seen. She doesn’t want anything to do with the planning or the dress, and frankly, she doesn’t seem like she even wants to be in the wedding. So she gets dressed all sullen, and she walks down the aisle all sullen, and she says her vows all sullen, but then they kiss and the world falls away and it’s just the two of them entwined in all their love. Ew. During the rehearsal Edward tells Bella that he has a surprise for her and takes her to Jacob who is hiding creepily in some trees. Bella gives Jacob a hug and you can tell that she hasn’t let go of her feelings for him (OMG, why did you just agree to get married when you’re SOOOO young AND you don’t really know what you want AND you don’t really know who you want, AND you have to hide your husband’s true identity from all your friends and family!!!!) So then Edward takes Bella on their honeymoon to some remote island that his family owns. They have the most unhappy looking sex that is so violent that Edward shreds the pillows and breaks the headboard etc. and leaves bruises on Bella’s body. HE LEAVES BRUISES ON BELLA’S BODY…. And, the icing on that little cake is… BELLA BEGS FOR MORE. He feels bad and doesn’t want to hurt her but she pretty much begs and pleads for him to have more sex with her. Ok, let me just say, I get it that some people get freaky in bed. But remember, this movie is aimed for teenage girls. Then while they are still on their honeymoon, Bella feels weird and is like oh my period is a day late and then takes a test and finds that she’s pregnant. (omg, do these movie makers even know how the human body works?) So Edward takes Bella to his parent’s house where he HIDES her so that her family doesn’t know where she is or that she’s pregnant with his vampire spawn. She spends all of her pregnant time on the phone with her dad telling him that she’s in various different locations of the world and doesn’t know when she’ll be home. The baby grows and since it’s part vampire it feeds on all of Bella’s blood and breaks her ribs with it’s kicks. Bella turns into a walking heap of bones because the baby is so ravaging her body. Then the Cullens decide oh hey, the baby wants blood, and has Bella drink all this human blood. Ew. Then the baby starts to kill Bella and Edward has to chew it out of her womb and Bella dies to Edward turns her into a vampire. The icing on the cake is the baby’s hideous name: Renesme. (a hybrid of their mom’s names, Rene and Esme). I’m not even grading this movie because it’s too ridiculous.

Twilight

Bella: Did you follow me?

Edward: I... I feel very protective of you.

Bella: So you followed me.

Edward: I was trying to keep a distance unless you needed my help

Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke

2008

Date Viewed: Saturday September 11, 2009

So Bobby and I have this deal... If I watch Twilight with him, then he'll watch Harry Potter with me... So that meant that last night I had to sit through the first Twilight movie. Seriously, Edward Cullen is a huge creeper, how can people not see that? He's all overly protective of her, he follows her, he keeps telling her to get away and stay away, but then HE keeps going to her and then she asks questions and he doesn't give her any answers, but she's like putty in his hands. Creepy creepy relationship. Why should I root for them? And why does every single guy in the school want to be with Bella? She's not really anything special. And then there's the whole vampires sparkle in the sunlight thing. Seriously? Not only does he sparkle, but when the sun shines on him there's even a sparkly sound. The second half gets a little better than the first. Edward starts giving her answers and she meets his family and then has a run in with some bad vampires and one of them chases her down and tries to kill her, which was exciting. The fight scene was decent and the super fast vampire movements were kinda cool but also kind of not. I felt like they could've been done in a little better quality. So first half was lame, second half was ok, but not really that great, so this gets a C- for just being a kind of average movie.